Note: I'm not referring to the official joining of our families as our 'civil union', because in our eyes it is a wedding. We are making the same commitment to each other that a man and woman make at their wedding, and to us there is no distinction. The law may say differently, but to US, we are getting MARRIED, not civil unioned, or civil unionised, or civilly unioned, or any other term I could make up. From the start it was obvious ours would be a non-traditional wedding, due to the fact we are both women, but also because neither of us are particularly traditional in the girly sense. Growing up I always liked the idea of the big froofy wedding with all the sparkly, flowery, shiny trimmings - but the moment we decided to get married, those thoughts disappeared, and all I could see for our wedding was a small group of people, somewhere pretty, none of the sparkly, flowery, shiny trimmings.
All the stupid wedding checklists out there told me we needed centre pieces, gifts for our guests to take home with them, table cloths, elaborate flower creations, candles, glass pebbles, bows, a 40 minute ceremony, a deejay, neon lighting, mood lighting, strobe lighting, dry ice, a pink carpet (oh wait, that may have been Big Fat Gypsy Weddings...), a horse drawn carriage (sorry, again, BFGW), a guestbook, children that behave and.... well, you get the gist. Even before we had started planning OUR wedding, I was thinking about what everyone else would want and expect - and spent many an afternoon feeling angry at stupid societal expectations and conventions that just didn't seem like US.
After a breakdown and a vent to the most fabulous, amazing, wonderful, perfect fiancée in the world, I realised it was time to forget what tradition and convention deem appropriate and acceptable for a wedding (one of those things being a man and a woman, so already we were going against what was right, according to SOME parts of society), and to concentrate on planning a wedding that was perfect for US. The type of wedding we would look back on in 10, 20, 50 years time and smile about, giggle about, remember fondly, and think 'that was so us'.
So what IS us, you ask?
Rugby. THAT is us.
Yes, we are having a rugby themed wedding. Scoff all you want, roll your eyes all you want, smirk all you like, shake your head all you want, screw up your face all you want - but rugby is US.
All those many months-that-feel-like-years ago, we bonded over rugby - more specifically, we bonded over the All Blacks v France pool game in the RWC2011. Lauriel was watching it with her kids and ex husband, I was watching it with my parents - and I remember sitting on the floor and texting Lauriel, feeling oh-so proud of her when Cory Jane scored a try and she quickly text me 'Hey! Your guy got a try! Yay!'. That was really the beginning of Lauriel's rugby fixation, and the beginning of US. Around that time Lauriel pointed out how hot Richie McCaw was, which started phase two of the fixation - and caused Lauriel to pledge her allegiance to the Crusaders rugby team.
Much to my displeasure. The Highlanders were it for me, and I found it hard to fathom how I could even be friends with this woman who supported the mortal enemy type team of my own team! But because I'm such a lovely person, I decided to look past that flaw - and we agreed to disagree, when it came to the Highlanders and Crusaders. However when we'd transitioned from friend and friend to girlfriend and girlfriend, something strange happened - and I started to find myself not half minding the Crusaders, and before long I was facing a lot of inner turmoil... were my allegiances with the Highlanders of my upbringing, or the Crusaders of the love of my life? Everything came to a head when the Crusaders and Highlanders played in Christchurch in June, and I wrote the following admission on my rugby blog:
Dear World,
I hereby declare that I'm a Crusaders supporter... BUT only because the love of my life is a Crusaders supporter. And because of Zac. And Izzy. And Richie. And the Whitelocks. And Kieran Read. And TinTin. And DC. And.. well, everyone except Wyatt Crockett.
Yours traitorly
Emma Oakden.
I was officially one of THOSE supporters that I had hated for the entirety of my rugby fanatic life. A Crusaders/Canterbury supporter. Much to the disgust of my Blue & Gold supporting Daddy.
Back to our wedding planning.
We acknowledged that rugby was a huge part of us as a couple, and was something that brought us closer together as friends - so it seemed only natural that we would involve that in our wedding plans. We decided soon after that our colour theme for our wedding would be red and black - and when we started to look at red and black wedding dresses, it became evident that we needed to have wedding dresses that were red or black, or at least had an element of red or black in them. After months of searching, Lauriel decided on a gorgeous black dress, and I found the dress of my dreams - which is white, but is going to have red elements added to it. Shoes were the next thing to look for, and I don't think either of us considered traditional white (or any of the 50 shades of white) shoes, instead Lauriel found a pair of to-die-for red and black heels, and I found a gorgeous pair of red ones. So not only was our general colour theme red and black, so was our outfit colour scheme. It only made sense that after this we decided our daughters and my niece would be in red and/or black dresses - and that the sole boy (that poor poor poor boy, growing up in a house with 5 females!) would be in a Crusaders or Canterbury top... and I guess he'll be wearing some form of pants (though he does quite like going naked...).
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| My bling! |
In amongst all the exciting colour theme associated planning, we also purchased our wedding rings, and replacement engagement rings - which had always been the plan. When we officially became engaged, we bought cheapo rings from one of the jewellery shops at the mall, as a kind of make-do ring, until we had a little more money to spend on 'real' rings. We both now have our 'real' engagement rings safely on our fingers - and have many comments about them... and I find myself taking great enjoyment out of correcting people when they ask about my boyfriend, or the 'he' that gave me the ring. That may be something that never grows old, and I guess I can take pleasure in it because no one has ever had a blatantly negative comment - it's more a case of "oh, wow, I had no idea!"... We have been very lucky in that sense, I don't think we've really come across any negativity at all, regarding our relationship & the fact we're two women. It either says a lot for society, OR (most likely) a lot about our friends, familiy and acquaintances.
When it came to the wedding, we found many pretty venues.. but that's all they were. Pretty. They weren't really US, per'se. They were the type of venue that would be perfect for a wedding - just not OUR wedding. Then Lauriel (the brilliant woman she is) innocently mentioned that
Cooks Gardens had facilities for weddings - and after explaining to me it is the home of Wanganui Rugby, I knew that that was OUR venue. Suddenly the ideas started to flow. Get married under the goal posts. Have the goal posts decorated in red and black. Hire a bouncy castle for all the kids who will be there. After the ceremony have a picnic style affair on the rugby field. When finished at the rugby field, off to the
Brickhouse for a meal.
........ then after all the festivities, Lauriel and I are running off to a hotel, where we plan to watch the Crusaders v Force game. Not everyones idea of the perfect wedding night, but for us I don't think it could be any more perfect!
